Merry Christmas kids! Here’s some… coal?

Yes, some how it’s that time of year again: Christmas!

The tree is up, presents have begun to be bought, letters have been sent to Father Christmas and I’ve had a healthy number of mince pies. All good, right? Well, not exactly. Although the kids are excited for the big day, their behaviour has been particularly trying recently and not a day seems to go by without me threatening to cancel Christmas.

Part of me thinks they are just getting overwhelmed by the time of year. Or that they are just feeling the burn from a school term that seems to be never ending. Or that maybe they’re just arrogant enough to believe they’re soon going to be neck deep in presents no matter what.

As a result, I’m extremely tempted to see what will happen if they find a lump of coal in their stocking come Christmas morning. Would it finally hit home that St Nicholas wants them to buck up their ideas? Or would it lead to them suffering a horrendous childhood trauma that they may never recover from?

There’s only one way to find out. However, as we’re in the 21st century I thought Father Christmas could do with a few modern options rather than old-fashioned coal.

1. Gift-Wrapped Coal

merry Christmas coal

Despite being a polluting and environment-hating fossil fuel, coal is easy to get hold off. A whole bag can be picked up at a local hardware store or petrol station (I’ve always found the latter a little bit bizarre) if you’re happy with the normal mucky stuff. Alternatively you can pick up a fancier and gift wrapped version online here. Both can be less than the price of a Match Attax tin.

2. Chocolate Coal

merry christmas coal

I know what you’re thinking: ‘Chocolate isn’t a punishment!’

If you’re not heartless enough to follow through with real coal, you can pick up various types of coal-looking chocolate. This means that if the kids start sobbing because they’ve realised Father Christmas thinks they’re little brats, you can quickly backtrack and announce ‘SURPRISE! Look it’s only chocolate! Isn’t Father Christmas funny!’

Childhood trauma can be avoided here for less than the price of a kids magazine.

3. Bath Bomb Coal

merry christmas coal

Along the same sort of lines as chocolate coal, if you would prefer clean kids rather than sugar-filled ones, you can pick up a coal bath bomb here for less than a couple of hot wheels cars.

4. Coalmine Tour

Yes – turn coal from a Christmas threat to an educational gift!

merry christmas coal
*Derek Zoolander not included in tour

If you live near Wakefield you could visit the National Coal Mining Museum and take your kids 140 feet underground and leave them there explore England’s l’ast deep coalmine’. Tours can be booked online or on the day and cost just £5 (which actually works as a refundable deposit). Check their website for dates and times here.

5. Homemade Coal Cookies

Fancy making your own coal-based treat? We found this ‘Minecraft’ coal-cookie recipe online here.

Although the link to Minecraft is a tenuous they are incredibly easy to make, look fantastic, and cost less than a Hatchimal.

Is coal the answer?

So this is my list of coal-based gifts that may, rightly or wrongly, make their way into my kids’ stockings if they aren’t careful.

But would you be happy for your kids to find a lump of coal in their stockings, or would you find an alternative way to manage their difficult behaviour?

One thought on “Merry Christmas kids! Here’s some… coal?

  1. We don’t use Christmas to control the twins’ behaviour, mostly because I could never follow through on the threats. But I’ll take the chocolate coal!

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