But I Like My Balls The Way They Are: Thinking About A Vasectomy

Well, it was about time. After 15 months of writing, I have finally turned my attention to… the v-word. Yes… v… vas…. *whispers* v-a-s-e-c-t-o-m-y.

The V-Word

Can you really be considered a ‘dad blogger’ if you’ve not written about it? So what has taken so long? We have three young kids and we have definitely no plans to have more. I seem to be constantly saying that recently.

Them: ‘How many kids do you have?’

Me: ‘Three.’

Them: ‘Three? Having any more?’

Me: ‘Fuck. No.’

I don’t even filter it anymore. I used to. I used to say ‘No, three is more than enough’ or something similar but now it is different. Our youngest is 18 months and out of our three kids he has been making the largest withdrawals from my sleep bank. Sure he’s cute, yes he’s fine when he’s not hungry or tired, but I feel like I simply cannot face the prospect of being FourTimeDaddy. So yeah, fuck that.

What are the other options?

Which takes me back to the v-word and the realisation that it really is the most sensible option if I don’t want any more kids. Seriously. I’ve written it on the internet so it must be true. Let’s look at the evidence.

The Mrs could be sterilised

Mrs ThreeTimeDaddy’s three pregnancies and three c-sections were progressively worse, with the last operation being the longest and toughest. Again, this is a reason why child 4 is not a likely option. She was given the chance of being sterilised as part of her third c-section but she declined, saying it was MY TURN to have their body messed with.

Fair enough, I admit, but I did think it was easier for her to get it done while her body was gaping open – might as well get your money’s worth right?

Ok. Deep down, I do actually agree – three pregnancies and three operations is a big ask and it was my time to step up and literally put my balls on the line.

Wait until the menopause

Now, I love Mrs ThreeTimeDaddy but she’s not getting any younger. If I’m going to be pragmatic, the big M is going to hit her before we know it so realistically she could go back on the pill for 10/15 years tops and then nature will solve our problem. I suggested this to Mrs ThreeTimeDaddy. You can imagine her face.

Condoms or Pill

In all seriousness, I don’t like the idea of her filling her body with chemicals indefinitely and, as she said before, it is MY TURN to take responsibility. It’s just condoms are so awkward (although I did write a review about some good ones – shameless plug here) and other methods sound a bit bizarre – my current favourites are the sponge and crocodile poo.

I also personally feel that having three young kids is more than enough contraception, but apparently that doesn’t count.

So What Next?

Well, I finally did it: I rang the doctor.

I was all ready to inform the receptionist loud and proud that I would like an appointment to discuss a VASECTOMY! But she never asked what the appointment was for and I got one for a few weeks time.

In the meantime I can mentally prepare for the next step. After speaking to other dads and doing some reading, it really doesn’t sound like a big deal and it is surprising just how many guys have had it done. So far, all the ones I have met can still walk and can function properly. It’s just that I like my balls the way they are and surely not wanting someone to hack at them is just my natural survival instinct kicking in.

In order to be informed, Ialso read up on some key facts:

Fact 1: A vasectomy is more than 99% effective. Surely cutting my vas deferens should be 100%? Is sperm THAT good at swimming?

Fact 2: It’s supposedly permanent. I will no doubt face the ‘are you sure’ questions from the Doctor. Hopefully my age and the fact that I already have three will make it plainly obvious that I’m sure. I might even say ‘Fuck that’ to prove the point.

Fact 3: It shouldn’t affect any… you know… ‘Business time’.

Any excuse for a Flight of the Conchords gif

Fact 4: It isn’t immediate. Sperm will still be present in the tubes despite being butchered. Tests will be done after the operation so contraception will still need to be used. Good to know before I burn all the condoms in a post-Vascetomy ritual.

Fact 5: There will be bruising and swelling. I’ve had man-flu – I can handle a bit of bruising.

Now I wait…

Our youngest is 18 months old and I’ve finally taken a proactive step to make sure FourTimeDaddy never becomes a reality. This is good. But this, of course, is the first step.

I shall return with an update…

Shank You Very Much

19 thoughts on “But I Like My Balls The Way They Are: Thinking About A Vasectomy

  1. Actually really enjoyed reading this. It’s good that you have looked into other options too, it’s a huuuge decision. My fiancé and I were just talking about this the other day for the future, we have a son and are currently thinking about trying to conceive again. But you know, years fly by fast and it’s good to talk about it. It was actually him that mentioned he thought a vasectomy would be the better option. I’ve had bad experiences with the pill, with it making my depression worse, huuuuge weight gains ( I’m still trying to get rid of extra rolls). So I looked into a coil. It’s completely chemical free and hormone free so I think that’s what we are going to go with when the time comes. I know what we’re like and we will eventually be super broody and want another one 😊 BUT… if you do decide to have it done, you can have your little buddies frozen just in case you and your wife decide to try for another baby later on

  2. I don’t feel qualified enough to comment as I am female, but I will say that my ex husband had a vasectomy, the consultant righly pointed out that he may want more children if we were to separate and he met a new partner, he was adamant that he still wouldn’t want more children as he was one of 8 and didn’t want a large family of his own, we did divorce, he re married and they did want children together, I’m not sure of the details, but happily they have 2 sons#satsesh@_karendennis

  3. Yes we kind of missed that it’s not immediate message and then had all kinds of panic 😉And yes hubby can still walk normally 🌈 #thesatsesh

  4. I have a friend who is a State Trooper. He deactivates bombs for al living. He has been hit by a tazer. He has been maced. He was a Marine man. His wife said when the doctors were telling him what they were going to do he actually fainted! Good luck NOT4timesdad. #thatsatsesh

  5. surprisingly it is fairly painless – according to Hubby who is generally a complete wimp when it comes to pain. although he didn’t fancy any potential impregnation hanky panky for a while afterwards and then we were ‘good to go’ . Good luck #thesatsesh

  6. Interesting post. Like all things in life there’s a lot of weighing up in the decision making. And then we just do it anyway, or not. Good luck and hope it’s quick and painless. #Dreamteam

  7. There are times when I look at an infant and feel a pang of pain in the swimmers, but I’m pretty happy with my cut. I’ll tell you that it is much quicker and painless than you’d imagine it to be. Just make sure that you are ready, its possible to get a reversal rarely works from what I’ve been told #dreamteam

  8. Oh goodness- I hadn’t realised it was an actual thing that many people got done. It does make sense- especially if the c sections have got progressively worse and you can’t possibly risk number 4 popping along. Errrmm… good luck (is that the right thing to say? 😁). Thanks for joining us for the #dreamteam

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