It’s the first day of the (not really) World Biscuit Dunking Championships 2017. Conditions are perfect: visibility, good; kids, hungry; kettle, boiled.

After recently reading an article in the Telegraph about the nation’s favourite biscuit for dunking, I was appalled. Why was I not consulted on such a pressing issue concerning one of my favourite items of sustenance?

Ignoring the (undoubtably nice) scientists at the Institute of Physics and their controlled conditions, their formulas and Igus robotic arm, I am determined to find out which biscuit is best for dunking myself.

So if you’re here you’ve come to the right place – the (not really) World Biscuit Dunking Championship. Eight biscuits in total will be battling it out to be crowned top dunker.

Mugs: ready!

Biscuits: ready!

The first match up in round one sees two heavyweights of the biscuit world going crumb to crumb, biscuit-o-biscuit, in a dunk by dunk fight until a diabetic coma. Yes, it’s the traditional, but exceptionally bland Rich Tea vs the classic no nonsense Chocolate Digestive.

Let’s look at the stats:


biscuit dunking championship chocolate digestivebiscuit dunking championship rich tea


The dunkers:

Big bro N – expert in getting more Biscuit on his face than in his mouth, he has a brutal no nonsense dunking method.

Little Roo – a relative newcomer to the world of biscuits, but sports one of the most delicate dunking techniques seen for years.

The drink:

Sainsbury’s own Hot Chocolate, with extra milk and left to cool slightly. It’s an unconventional dunking surface, but a truly great biscuit should be able to adapt to all conditions.

The mugs:

Jane Foster specials, because all drinks seem to taste nicer in them. Except cordial, which should always be consumed from a glass. Funnily enough Jane’s designs come on them too.

So, let’s do this!

The Result!

Controversial shock in the first round. Pre-Championship favourite the Rich Tea crumbles under the pressure, unable to adapt to the chocolatey dunking environment.

Chocolate Digestive goes rolling into the next round. Who else will join them?

Next match up: Malted Milk v Custard Cream.

Disclaimer: This post has not been sponsored by anyone, and any preference for a particular brand is purely down to my own choice. If any brands are reading, feel free to change this – I have a paypal account!

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